What has happened to our pornography?! It used to be you could pick up a title in the little room behind the curtain and get a slight chuckle to go along with your slight chubby. Porn companies used to spend coked up minutes (which is like hours for the rest of us) coming up with pun titles that would lure you in, and let you know that this was an art form, damnit! Now it’s just “Type of girl + anal/teen/big butt+fest/party+number” and ship it out. I swear, the passion has left everyone in the industry…EXCEPT ME! So may I present for your reading pleasure, the “Top 10 Porno Puns of Today”! Each week we will take the top 10 movies at the box office and come up with their porn puns.
Weekend of 2/17 – 2/19, 2012 (movies that were on last week’s list have been left off)
3. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance – As Johnny Blaze hides out in Eastern Europe, he is called upon to stop the devil, who is trying to take human form.
Ghost Inside Her: Spirit of Dat Azz – As Alondra Blaze hides out in Eastern Sherman Oaks, she is possessed by a ghost that is horny as HELL!
Ghost Spitter: Spit Out That Jizz – Lexington Steele fucks a bunch of pale girls that hate to swallow.
The Rider: Spirit of Vaginas – Shannyn made a deal with the devil, and now her penance is to come back and ride penis.
Spirit Of Vaginas Ride The Cawk Carousel
4. This Means War – Two top CIA operatives wage an epic battle against one another after they discover they are dating the same woman.
This Means Whore – Two CIA agents try to make their dicks touch after entering through opposite ends.
Jizz Means War – America is thrust (!) into World War Threesome after a CIA operative jizzes all over some Russian sluts.
His Clean Porn – It’s porn, produced by and for Christians! All the couples get married before having sex and are then miserable for the rest of their lives! It is truly His way!
Tinker Taylor Homo Spy
5. The Secret World of Arrietty – The Clock family are four-inch-tall people who live anonymously in another family’s residence, borrowing simple items to make their home. Life changes forever for the Clocks when their daughter, Arrietty, is discovered.
The Sexy World of Arriana – The Cock family are 9-inch-long people who fuck anonymous people they meet on the internet in other people’s houses. But their lives change forever when their daughter, Arriana, is dick-scovered.
The Preteen World of Arrietty – There is a secret world of preteen girls living naked within the walls of our homes. All sex breaks loose when they are discovered!
The Secretion Girl of “I’m All Wet-y” – These girls come so hard you would swear that they were pissing!
In The Pink
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Feel free to add your entries or tag lines in the comments!
35 Responses to “Pornification: Weekend of 2/17 – 2/19”
Ahhh... the sweet smell of new post.
Ain't no finer smell in the world. Except maybe for pussy.
Thanks DLamp, nice work.
Escalade or Kia:
+4
Well done Lamp.
Qdoba is better than Chipotle.
Escalade or Kia:
+5
Stone comparing shit to shit. Briliant, you damned hillbilly.
Escalade or Kia:
+2
Stone, sometimes the simple-est things make me fall back in love with you all over again!
Escalade or Kia:
+4
Who is he who is 'his'?
HIS clean porn.
Escalade or Kia:
+3
Great article, Lampson.
I've been busier than SS's sock during the premiere of Showgirls on Cinemax. But I just wanted to stop by and say hello and wish you all a Merry Christmas...
Escalade or Kia:
+4
Wondering where SS grabbed the grapefruit pic, but some questions may be better left unanswered.
Is the little man in the boat a cherry? Maybe don't answer that either.
Escalade or Kia:
+3
I'm sure my presence has been sincerely missed.
Can I offer this pic for captioning purposes to make up for it?
I mean, really, nothing comes to mind... nothing at all.
Someone is bitter. What do you think?
+2
AB Pic:
"Not Pictured-Bouncer, boyfriend, actual fucking. Much like what really happened on the club balcony"
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
+9
"You say V.I.P. balcony rail, I say cheap seats guard rail"
or
"Confessions of a Lamp: It ain't easy being a Bengals fan"
Escalade or Kia:
+2