"The first time my ex-wife’s temper turned from vicious insults into violence was after I’d had a haircut she didn’t like. She dragged me down the hall by my hair, punching the back of my neck."
"Did I say anything to anyone? Or leave her? No, I didn’t. For, like thousands of other male victims of domestic violence, I was mortally ashamed of what was happening to me, convinced if only I was a better husband, these attacks would stop."
You want answers?
I want the truth!
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!...YOU'RE A HOMO!!!
The character-vasectomy this guy stuck around for tells me they were in the domination routines. The shaming kind likely involving fecal play.
"I started to make decisions based entirely on what made her happy as I didn’t want to experience her wrath again."
Wrong answer, loser. ANY man worth his weight in salt knows the LAST thing you ever do is to TRY to make some yapping slit happy. Ugh.
Word to the wise: if your wife/girlfriend/date EVER dares to flash a pang of anger towards you she's trying to tell you something (only not what you think). It's time to take her backdoor whilst shoving her face into a pillow.
Feigning fear. Getting wet.
197 Responses to “Link of the Weak”
Seriously though, Dan. Good luck today.
Escalade or Kia:
+1
I should get "urban and cool" as my new stage name. I hope it isn't taken!
Escalade or Kia:
+3
My stage name is the number 8.
"Next up, we have "8"."
I don't know. I'm still working on it. Like your mom.
I'm still working on your mom.
You see? It's a mom joke.
I'll wait while it sinks in.
Like your mom's ass on a couch cushion.
BAM!!!!! TWO IN ONE POST!!!
I know where the door is. Shut up.
Escalade or Kia:
0
This place is emptier than my Dead Gay Son's heart.
Escalade or Kia:
0
Pic caption:
Sorry toots, but this belt ain't gluten free... *thhhhwap!!!*
This is for letting your goddamn hebe-tastic mother pic our curtains... *suh-waaach!!!*
I ain't too lazy to swing this here belt, sweetie, am I? *ker-krack!*
Escalade or Kia:
+6
Is the guy in the pic really wearing cargo pants that convert to shorts? If she bought them no wonder he's about to beat her.
Escalade or Kia:
+4
"Feigning fear. Getting wet." = Awesome.
I like when a girl starts to hit you and you just kind of shrug your shoulders up, turn the nuts away in a safe direction, and just laugh at how pitiful they are.
Yoko tried that shit once. After she was done I told her she had to get out of my house and she plopped down in the hallway and refused. I just smirked and said "Ok... out you go!" and learned how quickly someone can move when you are pulling them across the floor by a handful of their hair.
Escalade or Kia:
+7
Yoko getting her hair pulled on the rug? Vert is popping wheelies AND boners in his chair right now!
You know those new Progressive commercials where the guy is buying people gas with all the money he saved blah blah blah? That guy's stage name is (no joke): Johnny 3 Nutz
Escalade or Kia:
+7
In college I rekindled a high school flame who was going to a college not far from mine. We'd been pretty serious at one time, but then she decided to take the wayward cawk. Broke my heart. Yes, I shed bitch tears.
Flash forward four years and we reconnect...both figuratively speaking and in the penis --> vagina kind of way. But my head is far from in the clouds as my heart had already hardened a bit and, quite frankly, if I'd singled up on one truism it was that "once a cheating skank ALWAYS a cheating skank".
So, in short, she was little more than a moist dong-receptacle to me.
But..but...but...inevitably she wanted more. ???! In fact she wanted to be Ms. Chen (lolz). !!!
This development was less than ideal and my laughter at the suggestion did not go over well. Did I mention she had a long history of mental instability in her family and was a bit of a loon anyway? She did and she was.
But my callousness knew no bounds, and shortly after rebuffing her appeal for tenderness and the pitch for some youthful fairytale ending, I comforted her silly tears with my stiff, veiny cawk...only to awake to an enraged she-bitch holding a shard of wood retrieved from God only knows where, muttering over and over again - whilst in a threatening,demonic pose - "I'm not sure I can accept you not waning to be my boyfriend!"
Can't recall exactly how I talked her off the ledge (i.e. from shanking my ass), but I did, put her in her car, and sent her on her way. We never spoke again.
Fin.
Postscript - High school reunions aren't my bag. But that basically ensured I'd never attend one of mine.
Escalade or Kia:
+5
Pic captions:
"This room really needs some color"
*and beating AB to the Breakfast Club punch* "Shut up bitch and go fix me a turkey pot pie!"
Escalade or Kia:
+6