America: Where You Matter…If Only For Awhile

Where to begin...

I guess one of the bigger stories of the year was that we killed the supposed Lord Vader of the Jihadists; a man with so much influence and power that when finally ambushed his squirrelly ass it wasn't at some palatial fortress surrounded by loyalists armed to the teeth ready to die in his name. No, El Capitán was holed up in some broke-dick rancher, reduced to beating off to VHS porn on a 27" shitbox. Oh the humanity!

"They blacked out the Bengals game?! Fuck!"

Ok, Osama was still "technically" the face of terrorism worldwide and had to be dealt with accordingly. But the motherfucker was subsisting on a diet of NES games and whatever scant intel could be smuggled in on floppy disks (?!!!) compatible with is Apple IIe. Talk about Hell on earth!

What else...

On an upside, both Sarah Pail and Glenn Beck seemed to have lost a substantial amount of relevance as the year progressed. Though I don't suffer from Palin/Beck derangement syndrome the vehement haters out there apparently do - convinced the former is somehow dangerously relevant outside of her cursory political influence gleaned from her relative fuckability (the REAL reason so many fatty lib she-bitches loath her, BTW) and the latter is the anti-Christ incarnate - I do think both are brilliant hucksters, profiting from the very people who'd just as well see them dead. Chapeau, now go away.

Bikers like Palin? Weird.

Bieber? Beiber? Barber? Who the fuck cares. Where this kid came from is beyond me, but much like that abortion I forced my college girlfriend to get shortly before dumping her, I'm now haunted (kidding about the abortion haunting me, BTW. I can't bring a half-Korean into the family!). I guess he's talented on some level, but the real hat tip needs to go to whatever PR team managed to spread his infectious seed like something out of Outbreak; I mean Christmas this year was a huge eye-opener as ALL of my nieces had full-blown Bieber-fever. We're talking toothbrushes that play his songs, Bieber dolls, weatpants for 5 year olds with 'Justin Bieber' painted across the ass like those slut-tastic Juicy/Pink ones for grown up ex/wannabe strippers, etc... Lord, deliver us/me.

Speaking of Koreans...

Kim Jong Il croaked which led to what I found to be one of the funniest videos of the year:

That's a spicy meatball!!!

Anyway, prepare for 2012 where we all get to get eye/ear-fucked for an entire year with election bullshit. As much as it pains me, the safe money is on Barack Durant hitting a deep three as time expires to take the W.

Finally:

*ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip*

And in closing:

Me rikey!!!

Goodnight and good luck.